Evidence of Love

by Diane Barbarash

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1.
05:01
It all became a solitary force when all was said and done I messed it up yah I found the coldest ending you said you had enough Oh was I a maiden journey lost in time Oh was I I wandered till it hurt to cry there’s so much on the table left unsaid who’s right who’s wrong and there it is a jar of pennies, all the keepers you said I was the one Oh was I a maiden journey lost in time Oh was I I wandered till it hurt to cry our closet’s full with faces we put on I’ll try, you’ll try this ride’s been long the destination’s much too far when love is not enough Oh was I a maiden journey lost in time Oh was I I wandered till it hurt to cry I wandered till it hurt to cry
2.
03:22
you know I will reach you there when you call my name and I fall but I’m unprepared this love’s in vein the sea rolls in before me lights up the full moon air she sees me sad and lonely from the mark of love I bear the rain is unmerciful without you here if I sing will my heart stay full without you here the sea rolls in before me lights up the full moon air she sees me sad and lonely from the mark of love I bear
3.
03:07
I’m waking up I’m waking up I’m waking up I’m waking up my love I’ve been looking for you through wind and sky I cannot see and now I’m falling my love do you hear me do you see the wind in your soul where light falls hard don’t let go don’t let go my love I can see you let me touch you where the light falls hard and this light falls hard I’m waking up I’m waking up I’m waking up I’m waking up on the way I found myself again everyday I thought I’d see you every day I chose myself again and I haven’t lost you yet I haven’t lost you yet
4.
02:52
hold me in your darkness I’ll breathe your golden air a warning, I’m hard to hold to love to wait for but I can stay awake high above the waves when you hold me in your heart there’s no mistake a thousand suns were rising to flowers in your hair there’s something in me dying let go let love you’re there and I can stay awake high above the waves when you hold me in your arms there’s no mistake it took me years to find you your footprints kept me close the loneliness was blinding it’s not an easy road now I can stay awake high above the waves when you hold me in your heart there’s no mistake there’s no mistake
5.
seventy-five reasons you won’t speak to me it’s a hate filled love, oh oh I’ve been holding this inside of me ‘til your heart wakes up, oh oh I’ll show you evidence, evidence of love I’ll show you evidence, evidence of love I’ll show you evidence, evidence of love
6.
02:31
I was there a screaming mess of 12 years old begging you to hear me my head one force away from cracking the drywall just sound no blood there was no forgiving and there was no end to the fight darknesslikelightning tracked us through generations pitting us on the front line reflecting ancient scripts I remember selective disappointments the time I danced and sang then announced I would be a star someday Oh was the best you could do your mustard-colored tattered sweater limping hanging lifelessly off your boney shoulders holes and threads you wore it every day without fail a treasure from your years of lost dreams my bold attempt to break the chain and the best I could do back then was to travel 3000 miles away and back then later whiskey’s shadow reeking defiance and desperation and that went on for years and I believed I could be saved from you I wrote pages on those walls and I remember all of it I went back there the house that heard every scream I don’t know what I was expecting the place that still owned my body the tree in the front yard tulips that were mowed over every spring now when each winter comes around I do think of you I am honey and you are the teacup and we sit and there is that closeness again I expected too much from you I balanced the void with basement escapes buried under sheets with my dolls or staring blankly into the dark forcing the light back through I see you I see the water welling betraying your stoic independence the space between us never found
7.
Oh turn the light on turn the light on brother turn the light on now Oh turn the light on turn the light on sister turn the light on now how we gonna make it mother how we gonna make it through how we gonna make it mother how we gonna make it through Oh turn the light on turn the light on brother turn the light on now Oh turn the light on turn the light on sister turn the light on now how we gonna make it mother how we gonna make it through
8.
what would make this right is it too much for a rewrite all this wasted time you’ve grown up like fire one more time is me dying this song is me trying this heart is so alive but we’ll never know we’ll never know so where do I run now cause I don’t do slow what if I’m too much for you I don’t wanna know when the high fades and you let go again I don’t wanna know I don’t wanna know you’re always in the right that’s not love it’s not kind there’s judgement in your eyes I’m not mad, I’m just tired – one more time is me dying this song is me trying my heart is so alive but you’ll never know you’ll never know hold me closer, I need a way back again if this is over, I need a way out so where do I run now cause I don’t do slow what if I’m too much for you I don’t wanna know when the high fades and you let go again I don’t wanna know I don’t wanna know so where do I run now cause I don’t do slow what if I’m too much for you I don’t wanna know when the high fades and you let go again I don’t wanna know I don’t wanna know
9.
05:05
you’re like an ocean in the sand, so brave I watch you move into your dance, a prayer I follow you deep in the ground maybe it’s a way be your vessel be your ground maybe it’s a way you’re like an ocean in the sand I watch you move into your dance I follow you deep in the ground maybe it’s a way we’re found be your vessel be your ground maybe it’s a way out the shooting stars are all I see they fly elusive over me I cannot speak when you’re around maybe I’m afraid I’ll drown be the one who hears a sound maybe it’s a way out
10.
03:25
oh lord when you see me take me home lost from the pleasures I have known don’t you make me wait so long oh lord take me home oh lord take me home now John’s my father keep him safe his love was selfless his eyes had faith hold him strong in your embrace oh lord keep him safe oh lord keep him safe oh lord when you see me take me home I lost my child in the Irish fold and Dunmore boys light up like gold oh lord bring her home oh lord bring her home my prayers are silent my heart is worn this earth won’t promise the love I hope for don’t you make me wait so long oh my heart is worn oh my heart is worn oh lord when you see me take me home lost from the pleasures I have known don’t you make me wait so long oh lord take me home oh lord take me home oh lord take me home

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released September 5, 2020

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Diane Barbarash Vancouver, British Columbia

Thank you to the ones who inspire me daily to be true to myself when I write... Steve Earle, Sigur Ros, Kathleen Edwards, Julie Miller, Neil Young, Rhianna, Future, David Usher, Bon Iver, Joni Mitchell, Yellawolf, Lights...

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